JERUSALEM (AP) 鈥� When Hersh Goldberg-Polin was , fellow hostages say he often quoted a line from Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl: 鈥淭hose who have a 鈥榳hy鈥� to live can bear with almost any 鈥榟ow.鈥欌��
Through his long months in captivity, family and friends hoped that, like Frankl, he would come back with a message of hope. Then, in August 2024, after nearly a year in captivity, were shot dead by their captors deep underground, likely as Israeli forces were closing in.
The quest for his why has fallen to his family, who led a high-profile campaign for his release. His mother, Rachel Goldberg-Polin, has a new book released Tuesday.
鈥淲hen We See You Again鈥� has no narrative arc, no tidy uplifting message, no score settling with the Hamas militants who killed her son or the Israeli leaders who many blamed for his death 鈥� only a searing account of her grief.
She hasn鈥檛 yet decided whether the book is an exceptionally painful love story, or a love-filled pain story.
鈥淚鈥檓 still trying to figure out with clarity what is my why, but it鈥檚 clear to me that my why is not done,鈥� Goldberg-Polin said, a photo of a smiling Hersh behind her. 鈥淚 just really wanted to tell the truth. It鈥檚 very ugly.鈥�
A face of the hostage crisis
Hersh was among the 251 people abducted by Hamas in . His hand was blown off by a grenade before he was dragged into Gaza and eventually into the militant group鈥檚 labyrinth of tunnels.
The war sparked by the attack led to the killing of over 70,000 Palestinians and the destruction of much of Gaza before led to the release of all the remaining hostages. Hersh had been killed, along with five other hostages, more than a year earlier.
Rachel had campaigned tirelessly for her son鈥檚 release, appearing in countless media interviews, meeting with then-President Joe Biden and addressing the Democratic National Convention. She also joined accusing the government of failing to reach a deal sooner.
Her son was among the best-known hostages. Posters and graffiti with his name and face still appear across the country, often bearing the line popularized by Frankl.
A human portrait
In her memoir, Rachel takes care not to mythologize him. She notes that he picked his scabs as a kid and was bad at doing dishes.
鈥淗ersh has become a symbol to many,鈥� Goldberg-Polin writes in the book. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know what to do with that. But it鈥檚 OK. If people need Hersh to be something, he will be that. That is the essence of service, being what is needed.鈥�
Rachel grew up in Chicago and moved to Israel with her husband and three children when Hersh, the oldest, was 6. She tells stories from the 鈥渂efore time鈥�: of how Hersh as a child would wow people with his encyclopedic knowledge of U.S. presidents, and how he loved Jerusalem’s local soccer team and their sister team in Bremen, Germany.
She only briefly touches on his capture and the details of his captivity, which have been widely reported. She writes about their desperate search for information in the chaotic and terrifying days after the attack, their long fight for his release and the news of Hersh’s killing, along with five others, after 328 days.
The book is mostly a 鈥渧ery raw, peeled, oozing, throbbing pain,鈥� Goldberg-Polin said. She describes 鈥渉undreds of sodden days dripping with anguish.鈥�
鈥淭he book really started just as a way of taking this tremendous weight of suffering that was causing my soul to buckle,鈥� she said in an interview in Jerusalem.
The writing came out in bursts, without a plan for a final project, just a question of 鈥淗ow do I survive the next 15 minutes?鈥� she said.
A fellowship of grief
The book emerged in part from her frustration when people asked how she was. 鈥淚 think, 鈥榃ell, do you not see this dagger sticking out of my chest at my heart? How can you possibly be asking me that?鈥欌�� she said. 鈥淏ut I realized they don鈥檛 see it. And it鈥檚 not because they鈥檙e mean or insensitive. They simply don鈥檛 see it.鈥�
鈥淪omeone who鈥檚 born blind doesn鈥檛 know what blue is, and it鈥檚 very difficult to describe blue to someone who鈥檚 blind. But I鈥檓 desperate for people to see my blue, and I鈥檓 yearning for people to feel my pain,鈥� she said.
Then there were those who wanted to share their own stories of death and loss, even during her son鈥檚 shiva, the traditional Jewish week of mourning after the funeral. It鈥檚 an experience that she describes as overwhelming and eye-opening, revealing the 鈥渟urplus of suffering鈥� in the world.
鈥淭hey鈥檙e not trying to comfort me, they鈥檙e saying: 鈥楲et me stand next to you and we鈥檒l be in this together,鈥欌�� she said.
During the campaign to release the hostages, one of Rachel鈥檚 mantras was 鈥淗ope is mandatory,鈥� even when it felt impossible. Now, wherever they go, people ask her and her husband for a bit of their creased and crumpled hope.
She has no easy answers, as she tells Hersh in a letter addressed to her dead son near the end of the book.
鈥淚 will carry your why,鈥� she writes. 鈥淚’ll do it, I鈥檒l carry your why around the world.鈥�
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