What do most people want out of sports? Highflying action? Bone-rattling hits? Lots of scoring? Loud, blaring music with enthusiastic announcers and hype crew? Maybe a bake sale in the back with homemade s鈥檓ores brownies?
If you鈥檙e looking for all of the above, all at once, it鈥檚 hard to think of any other place you鈥檇 find them outside of roller derby. In this case, Saturday鈥檚 match hosted by Free State Roller Derby, at the Michael & Son Sportsplex in Rockville, Maryland.
If you have only a cursory knowledge of roller derby, you might be thinking of pitched tracks with banked angles. That鈥檚 not this. The flat track not only saves on equipment cost, it鈥檚 easy to set up anywhere with just a roll of tape, like inside the Sportsplex, just across the parking lot from the Rockville Ice Arena.
鈥淲e can just lay down some tape and boom, we鈥檝e got derby,鈥� said Vixen Takillya, the marketing director for Free State.
Oh, right 鈥� puns are an important part of roller derby, with each racer adopting a punned-up racing name (by which they are referred to in this story).
Also official in training, 鈥淰ix鈥� used to skate, but a couple of broken bones 鈥� including an ankle 鈥� sidelined her to administrative duty. In her day job, Vix works on military sexual assault issues, just one of a wide range of professions. There are lawyers, scientists, social workers and more, with women ranging from 18 all the way into their 50s.
So who exactly are these women?
鈥淚 ask myself that every week, sometimes,鈥� she laughed.
Everyone鈥檚 in full protective gear, from helmets, to elbow pads, wrist guards, and knee pads. This is, after all, a full collision sport, though not nearly as dramatized as it is in, say 鈥淲hip It,鈥� the most recent major motion picture about the sport.
They all compete under the official rules and guidelines of the Women鈥檚 Flat Track Derby Association, which, as of June, has 463 member teams spread across 30 countries worldwide. Not bad for an organization that just started in 2004.
There are a good number of local teams, some of which have reached the higher echelons of the sport. Mother State, out of Richmond, has cracked the Top 100. The DC Rollergirls reached as high as 37th five years ago, but are clinging to their spot within the Top 100. Charm City, out of Baltimore, peaked as high as 14th聽in 2014.
The teams Saturday are still working their way to get there. The visiting 301 Derby Dames (217th) from La Plata, Maryland took on the Rock Villains from Free State Roller Derby (183rd). Free State is up near their high point, having reached 181st聽in April of this year.
The international championships are around the corner in November in Montreal, but Free State isn鈥檛 quite at that level just yet. They started in 2009 and used to skate at a fast-pitch softball facility that had unfinished areas outside of the track, meaning a bad spill might send you flying toward a hammer or an exposed nail. Now they鈥檝e relocated and have expanded to two separate teams as of last year 鈥� the Black Eyed Suzies, and the Rock Villains (yes, another pun, this one geographic), who skated Saturday.
Here are the basics: Teams of five skate against one another in two-minute 鈥渏ams.鈥� On each team, there are four blockers and one jammer, the only player that can score points. Whichever jammer is able to get through the pack first controls the jam. The jammer picks up a point for every opposing blocker she is able to get by.
The blockers, meanwhile, use any number of strategies to try to impede the jammers and push them out of the track, forcing them to reset. But they can鈥檛 extend their arms or elbows to do so, lest they incur a penalty. If the lead jammer decides it鈥檚 advantageous not to go the full two minutes, she can end the jam whenever she wants.
Each team has 15 on an active roster, meaning there are three sets of skaters alternating, similar to hockey-style shift changes. The jammer can be different each time, and one of the blockers is also designated as a pivot, meaning the jammer can pass off her title to that player exactly once per jam, if she wants to.
With all the action flying around the track, there are seven officials keeping an eye out for scoring and penalties. A penalty nets you 30 seconds out of action, which can be crucial in allowing a team to gain points quickly. There are two 30-minute halves split by a 15-minute intermission.
An enthusiastic crowd of more than 100 spectators including many self-identified first-timers, , crammed into the space Saturday afternoon and were treated to a wire-to-wire win for the home side.
One fan who had seen plenty of bouts was Cliff O鈥橞ier of La Plata, Maryland. O鈥橞ier started working as the lone EMT for the 301 Derby Dames鈥� home matches a couple years ago. Before long, he started hanging out with them.
鈥淎ll the girls are great,鈥� he said. 鈥淪ome of the nicest people you鈥檒l ever meet.鈥�
O鈥橞ier started traveling to matches when dating one of the skaters, Strawberry Smashcake.
The action provided plenty for the home crowd to cheer about. Thanks to a few particularly effective jams early by TooFast Tofurious, the Rock Villains raced out to a lead they鈥檇 never relinquish, holding a 122-79 advantage at the break. While she looked to be one of the most agile skaters out there Saturday, it鈥檚 only been three years since she first laced them up.
鈥淗onestly, I had never skated on quad skates before,鈥� said Tofurious, 29, who lives in Rockville and works at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. 鈥淭he amazing thing about Free State is they really have a great training program that will first train you how to skate, and then teach you how to play derby.鈥�
She had a natural gateway to the sport as her mother 鈥� who goes by Omageddon 鈥� had already been skating for a year when she recruited her.
As the second half begins, Chumbawamba鈥檚 late 鈥�90s hit 鈥淭ubthumping鈥� blares over the PA system, and it feels like a fitting anthem for the proceedings:
鈥淚 get knocked down
But I get up again
You鈥檙e never gonna keep me down鈥�
In the match鈥檚 closing seconds, Rock Villains skater Natty Boh鈥檔crusher takes a direct hit to the solar plexus and hits the floor in a heap, staying down. The EMT on site (not O鈥橞ier, at least for today) runs over to run some quick tests. She only had the wind knocked out of her, and she soon gets up to finish the skate, looking no worse for wear.
鈥淪he just hit me in the sweet spot and I got the wind knocked out of me,鈥� said Boh鈥檔crusher, a 35-year-old project manager at the University of Maryland, who hasn鈥檛 sustained any serious injuries in her four years skating.
鈥淚鈥檝e been very fortunate. The only injury I鈥檝e had since playing roller derby, I sprained my ankle jogging in the neighborhood.鈥�
A friend brought her to a match at the D.C. Armory back in 2012, but when she learned there was a team closer to where she lived, she jumped at the opportunity. A former soccer player and figure skater, she found it scratched the competitive itch that she鈥檇 always had.
鈥淚 have played in some rec league soccer, and it was either you were playing in the beer league, or it was at a level of competition that I wasn鈥檛 prepared for any more at this point in my life,鈥� she said.
Despite the rough and tumble nature of the sport itself, there鈥檚 a collegiality you won鈥檛 find in most sports that permeates through roller derby. Some competitors exchange pleasantries and even hugs mid-match. There is a handshake line at the end where the contestants thank fans, then one another. And each team picks the other鈥檚 MVPs, for best jammer and best blocker. When it鈥檚 time to go home, the 228-155 Rock Villains win feels like an afterthought.
鈥淚 think that is what is really special about roller derby, because everybody understands that we鈥檙e all just coming together to do something that we love to do,鈥� said Tofurious. 鈥淲e鈥檙e everybody鈥檚 biggest cheerleader.鈥�
There鈥檚 also no population of players trying to reclaim their high school glory days, as plagues many adult rec sports, because, well, it鈥檚 a sport that only exists among those who find it once they鈥檙e grown up.
鈥淒erby isn鈥檛 a sport that anyone grows up playing 鈥� you make a choice to do it as an adult,鈥� said Boh鈥檔crusher. 鈥淪omething draws you in, something about the community and the atmosphere. You choose this as your people.鈥�
Free State practices twice a week, a more technical workout on Tuesdays and a scrimmage on Fridays. They鈥檝e got a road match against NOVA Roller Derby at the other Michael & Son Sportsplex in Sterling, Virginia, on Aug. 17 and a final home match on Oct. 5 in Rockville.
on Friday, Sept. 20 from 8-10 p.m., for those interested in the sport, or who just want to find out more.
鈥淚f you want to just kind of watch? That鈥檚 fine,鈥� said Tofurious. 鈥淚f you want to just go into it and get deep and dirty into the world of derby, we鈥檙e here for you and we鈥檒l help get you where you want to go.鈥�
